Let’s face it: growing up, there was nothing worse than when the rubber band inside a G.I. Joe broke. Nothing. First off, there was no way you could fix it. Secondly, and this is what usually fueled my 8 year old rage, most of the time the rubber band didn’t break. It just came unhooked from the lower body. It was right there! But you could not ever hook it back.
So what were you left with? An upper body, complete with a head and arms. A mid-section that looked like a pair of underwear, perfectly matching the soldier’s pants. And two little legs, dangling from what looked like a mini-clothes hanger.
This is trash, right? What can we do with this “new” toy? Well, we have a few options, believe it or not.
Option 1: He gets hit by missiles. A lot.
He’s just standing there (certainly can’t be walking around), keeping guard from one of the towers, when BAM! he gets hit by a missile. An enemy missile hits him and he is blown into pieces! (Three, to be exact.) His falling body parts land among the soldiers on the ground and alert them that Cobra is attacking.
Option 2: He climbs out of holes.
His upper body is placed on the carpet and suddenly: he’s in a hole! Very simple.
Option 3: He climbs into holes.
This involves placing his legs upside-down on the carpet, feet in the air. Again, very simple.
Really, those were the only options.
With the news that Kindle Worlds is opening up to G.I. Joe soon, I might just have to tackle a Joe story of my own. If I do, I assure you, someone will get hit by a missile. And someone WILL fall into a hole.
This post originally appeared online in 2004, in a different form, on another one of my blogs.